Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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