how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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