I hate your face
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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