I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
