You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
