so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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