I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
