matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
