I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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