The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
