Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
