that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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