Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
