I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
