I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
