it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
