John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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