your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
