My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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