You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
