Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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