i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you had me at cake vodka
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
