I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
