He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
