Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
