i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
