he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
