Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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