And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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