Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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