i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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