new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
