Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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