Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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