singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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