I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
