Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
