she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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