umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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