see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
