I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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