I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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