My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Panties = found
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