Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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