I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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