Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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