Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
