How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
