My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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