Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
