I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
