Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
