Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
