We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
