he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
