alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
