Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
